fucking classy.

- November 5 -

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@Facebook

- September 11 -

Introducing @mentions in status updates and launching Facebook Lite in one day? This is almost too much for me to handle. I’m sure the fanbois rejoiced, but I know I wasn’t the only one that got pretty worked up. I won’t get into the issues of Facebook implementing official @mentions, Matt does it pretty well. This is myrant, fueled by haterade.

Sure, Facebook Lite is pretty. It’s clean, simple, and what Facebook should have looked like all along. It’s a bit reminiscent of [thefacebook] circa 2004. You know, when it wasn’t a shit-strewn cesspool. Facebook Lite is like a distraction from what Facebook still is. It’s Facebook’s Tijuana boob job, waiting to go horribly wrong.

Now, if Facebook Lite somehow manages to stay as-is, (I give it until December… there are already places for a new shit advertisement sidebar) the Facebook team must address the many current, glaring issues with the social service. Let’s review:

Your Face in Ads

It was brought to our attention mid-July when Peter Smith saw his wife’s face in a “Hot Singles are waiting for you” ad on Facebook. Apparently, Facebook was following their Privacy guidelines, and making “advertisements more interesting and more tailored” to our group of friends. So, your face could pop up in that heinous sidebar in a Viagra ad, Hot Singles ad, whatever.

The best part? You must opt-out of this option.

Data Mining

Beacon. According to Facebook FAQ, Beacon is a “way for you to bring actions you take online to Facebook.” It basically works by allowing affiliate websites to send stories of your actions to Facebook. Something like writing a review of even purchasing a product. When triggered, the website will try to send the information to Facebook for publishing, and you can either click, “No Thanks” and the information will be deleted, but if you simply push “Close” it will still be sent to Facebook for later publishing. And further annoyance. Again, you must opt-out of this in Privacy settings.

Privacy opt-outs seem to be the default rather than opt-ins. It’s bullshit.

Today Facebook released an application for Macs called Facebook Desktop Notifications. EXCITING RIGHT? No. It’s just another fucking way they will worm their way into gathering more usage info from you. And you’re letting them INTO your computer.

Not only does Facebook track what you do on the Interwebz through their affiliate sites, and now through this application, but you can get rid of all that information, as well as those embarrassing alcohol-infused pictures by deleting your profile, right? Wrong. Facebook keeps everything on their servers. Forever. Oh, but it’s ok, they promise they’ll never sell it.

Quizzes

Harmless enough, right? Think again. Those who choose to take them know that you must give the quiz permission to access your account. But do we really know the information those quiz devs can see? A recent report by ReadWriteWeb opened my eyes. The American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) has started a campaign to raise awareness to the issue surrounding privacy in Facebook applications, especially quizzes. Default privacy settings allow access to all of your information, even if your profile is set to “private”. The information is even shared when your friends take quizzes.

What?

So I decided to take a look at my default settings to really get an idea of what was being shared.

Are you serious? That’s like, everything. Well, you know, Facebook screens their developers for trustworthiness and require them to follow privacy policy, right?

NO. Facebook does not even screen their devs. They don’t require them to follow privacy policies regarding personal information, nor does Facebook have any technical measures in place to limit how the information they gather is used.

Bullshit.

Now, in order to change these App settings, go into Settings-> Privacy Settings-> Applications, and speak up about it. This is all opt-out. And Facebook doesn’t even make it near obvious. Even if you don’t take quizzes, make sure you take a look at your privacy settings, because the information is still shared when your friends take them.

Facebook Hates Babies

About three weeks ago, Joel Stein logged into his 3-month old son’s Facebook page to find it disabled. Granted, you must be 13 years or older to have a Facebook page, but technically he was running it. He decided to make one for his son so that his personal page wasn’t overwhelmed with the baby talk and pictures. It was disabled, and all of the baby pictures, videos, and family comments that were on the page are gone. Forever. He found out about an application to aid with the baby info flood, but it was too late. Facebook won’t even give him access to the page for one day to get the data back.

This is just one example of Facebook’s opaque policy on disabling accounts. There have been countless reports of people’s accounts being disabled for no apparent reason. Yes, some are justified spammers, but apparently if you respond to your friends too frequently, or add too many friends, you may be disabled.

Oh, how frequently is that? Right, it’s some arbitrary number. They give you an email address for appeals, but don’t expect anything other than a canned response.

Other Shit I Don’t Even Want to Get Into

As if all this isn’t disgusting enough, as of Spring 2009, you can’t search for people based on sexual orientation. So, as a result, searchers are no longer able to find gays and lesbians on Facebook, even within their own network. It personally doesn’t affect me, but people use Facebook for connecting and reaching out to their network. I can imagine that would be a very useful search filter for LBGT to connect with others in their community.

On top of that, they censor editorial content. Unacceptable. I understand that Facebook has a right to remove anything that’s harmful, but, please. Take a closer look at those White Supremacist pages or Holocaust Denial pages that have yet to be removed. It was simply an editorial article published by the Seattle Post-Intelligencer on Sept. 6, 2009 entitled, “Obama speaks to children; right wing shows its crazy side,” that by Sept. 7 was blocked.

I’m… speechless. People are either uninformed about Facebook’s bullshit or just choose to sweep it under the rug. It should be important to you. It’s your data and privacy. They need to change their ways, and the only way to do it is if we make a big deal.

For now, I’ll be adding this virtual duct tape to my Facebook page to cover the disgusting sidebar. (Actual screenshot.)

So, fuck you, Facebook.

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I just want some fucking coffee.

- August 16 -

I burned the midnight oil last night, or so they say. I really had to get shit done! I’m very good at doing the whole “no sleep” thing, I simply keep snacking and maintain a relatively high caffeine level; enough to stay alert, but not enough to crash. For me, this optimal level of caffeine can be maintained through drinking soft drinks, as I really am not a huge caffeine consumer as it is.

Now, at around 8:30 this morning, The Mars Volta passed through my playlist, and I tend to zone out when I listen to them. This was bad. I was in the perfect condition for failure! Cozy in my sweats… relaxing music… NO! I COULDN’T! It was bad… I started imagining things, tunnel visioning into the soft glow of my monitor… There was only one thing that could save me:

Coffee.

Oh, you smooth, warm, bittersweet savior liquid! Flow through my veins and push me forward.

I slapped myself out of my trance and dragged myself to the kitchen. No one else was awake, so I had to be quiet. Now, as you know, I’ve just moved into a new place, so some of my things have yet to be unpacked, but at least my food was unpacked. I went into every cabinet searching for my limited edition Vanilla Biscotti dark roast, but it was nowhere to be found. I knew I packed it. Everything else in the box was unpacked. I finally found it in the last place I would have thought, and quickly prepared the coffee machine for launch.

I pulled down my brown sugar and went to the fridge to get milk, when I realized that one of my new roommates is lactose intolerant. Fuck. I shuffled through the pantry, searching for even powdered creamer, something. Nothing.

By now my coffee had finished brewing, so I needed to get creative. I opened the fridge to find anything dairy-based that I could use as a substitute. They were as follows:

- Sour cream
- Butter
- Cream cheese

Now, I was desperate. I had already tried the coffee and it was just too bitter for me. I narrowed it down to cream cheese, thinking that, well… cream cheese danishes go really well with coffee, and it’s the sweeter of the three. I dolloped a bit into my coffee, stirred it around, and it lightened up a bit so I was pleased. With a sigh of relief I took a swig only to find that the cream cheese…

was fucking chive flavored.

This wasn’t good, at all. I spit it out, rinsed my cup and decided to try something else. I hadn’t noticed the Pina Colada mix on the side shelf of the fridge, so I took that out to read the ingredients:

Coconut cream?

Well, I’ve had coconut milk before, and I enjoyed it, I wondered if that would work. I poured just a teaspoon of the mix into my new mug of coffee and let it melt. I guess being so tired I forgot that another ingredient in the mix would be pineapple. Don’t get me wrong, I love pineapple, but… not in coffee.

That was, strangely, even worse than the chive cream cheese. At this point, my stomach felt pretty sick. I was out of coffee, with no options for making it drinkable. What we do for our cup of coffee. I was in the same damn predicament as I was the hour before, except I had this pineapple chive taint festering on my tongue. Fuck.

So, now I’m sitting here with a mug of banana-strawberry-orange juice.

I just wanted some fucking coffee.

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